The premise may seem far-fetched, but not if you consider that Morocco offered bomb-sniffing monkeys to the “coalition of the willing” for the Iraq War. The leader of the G-Force team is an unconventional human scientist named Ben. The guinea pigs are cast as racial stereotypes.
There’s way too much sucking happening in Daybreakers, even if this movie is about Vampires.
The first vampire movie of 2010 could only have been worse if it were the new installment of the Twilight Saga. But this one comes close to that abysmal level of film making by imagining a world ruled by Vampies that is somehow pretty boring, allowing random accidents to drive forward the plot, and rely on cartoon-like gore scenes when all else fails.
The movie opens and we’re introduced to a girl writing her suicide note in April of 2019. Just as we are musing over whether the fact she’s not posting this to a social network is a hint at the real reason for her loneliness, she bursts into flames. It’s the first taste of overcooked vampire barbeque we get, but there’s plenty more to come.
Next we’re introduced to Edward Dalton (Ethan Hawke), who works at a human farm. Vampires are in charge of this world and any humans left over are only good for providing blood. This provides for some scenes where we see naked men and women strapped into place in large industrial farms that feed an inhuman society. It’s almost a cool idea, but The Matrix thought of it first, and KFC is doing this in the real world with its “chickens” anyway.
We’re introduced to a Vampire society that seems much like our own except there are inexplicably more bats flying around. The masses drink blood in their coffee as they ride the subway to work, and chain smoke because they’re immortal and hell, they can get away with it.
It seems like this Vampire society should have been more awesome. With everyone having vastly improved strength and speed capabilities, you’d think there’d be more extreme sports – perhaps a variation of basketball with human heads replacing the ball, and replaced by spikes. The vampires could go up for a slam and squeeze the blood out like juicing a lemon.
Seriously, more could have been done with the Vampire society theme. There wasn’t even an easy laugh like having someone sit down to a bowl of Count Chocula for breakfast, or count things in the style of The Count from Sesame Street.
The vampires are running out of blood as the human population dwindles to extinction. Dalton works for a predictably evil corporation that is looking to solve that problem by creating a blood substitute. If they don’t find it fast, everyone will turn into a mindless succubus creature that act similar to fans of the Twighlight Saga.
One chance encounter with a succubus establishes a healthy vampire can degenerate to this putrid mutant in a matter of days. The promising action sequence disappoints when it transforms into a grotesque kitchen knife demonstration as Dalton’s G.I. Joe brother filets the creature and then decapitates it.
The gore scenes in this movie are so excessive that they are more comical than gross. Vampires instantaneously explode into a fluid burst of redness that resembles a Pizza Pops commercial.
It’s surprising just how much innards do explode out of these paper thin characters. Sam Neil plays the blood-sucking (literally and figuratively) executive who becomes the main villain. He is nothing but pure evil as he plots to turn his own daughter into a vampire, and then hide a cure from society so he can assure his company “repeat business.” All the while, he wears a power suit and drinks blood out of a wine glass.
But the worst is Willem Dafoe’s unfortunate attempt at a Southern accent as Elvis, a human with the secret that will save vampires from themselves. No, it’s not a deep friend peanut butter and banana sandwich. The audience must indulge embarrassing attempts at wit such as: “about as safe as bare-backin’ a $5 whore.”
The plot seems to progress through accidental coincidences. Dalton meets the human rebels because he’s distracted while driving, the cure is discovered by a botched suicide attempt, and an even-better cure is similarly stumbled upon. The real accident is that someone let this script make its way to a final cut.
My advice, if you do find yourself forced to watch this forgettable Vampire flick, entertain yourself by exclaiming in the style of The Count every time a vampire is gored to death.
“One! One, bloody vampire explosion!… Two! Two, bloody vampire explosions…”