The premise may seem far-fetched, but not if you consider that Morocco offered bomb-sniffing monkeys to the “coalition of the willing” for the Iraq War. The leader of the G-Force team is an unconventional human scientist named Ben. The guinea pigs are cast as racial stereotypes.
Thanks to Tim Burton, we now know how Alice felt after she tumbled down the rabbit hole. His effort at a reboot of the classic tale ends up filled with plot holes,
With cult classics like The Nightmare Before Christmas and pop-culture mediocrity like Batman Returns, Burton has managed to attract a wide fan base that include both sad emo-goths and pathetic comic fanboys. It’s too bad the suffering inflicted by this putrid movie isn’t just limited to those isolated groups, but must be felt by everyone looking forward to a unique remake of this classic Disney tale.
However, there is only one thing to deem this latest work, a “DEMAKE”. By definition, a DEMAKE is basically when Hollywood decides to rehash older movies with a more modern style, but end up tarnishing what made the original unique.
With Alice, the result is that it perverts the nostalgic memory of the classic fairy tale with Burton’s abstract fetishism. The only thing to look forward to after watching it is to follow the plots main message. Take a bunch of random pills, drink from any bottle you can find, and hope things will work out for the best.
Alice is now age 20, and is going through a period of angst where she cannot escape the confines of her mundane life. The good news is she is able to revisit Wonderland. The bad news is the Red Queen has taken control of Wonderland with an iron fist of fascist rule. Thanks to the power of the Jabberwocky, a generic dragon monster, her claim to the throne has gone unchallenged. Meanwhile, you could say the power has “gone to her head”…literally. Her head is freakishly large, resembling an abomination of Valentine’s Day merchandise fused with a cancerous tumour. Not unlike most Hallmark cards denoting this crassly commercial holiday.
Not only has the story been recycled, but the style is aggravatingly cliché. This is no surprise, since Burton’s movies are stamped with his brand of over-the-top gothic flare. Johnny Depp has become part and parcel of this tired old hand ever since Edward Scissorhands. He is basically just type-cast into replaying the same role – an effeminate and creepy man-child.
Depp may play the part of the Mad Hatter, but looks like he just walked off the set of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (another Burton “demake”). He has a similar top hat, the same Victorian style attire, and more clown make-up than an army of Cirque du Soleil performers.
Seriously, he’s powdered with so much white face paint he makes Albinos look like they’ve been soaking up sun on an equatorial beach.
Alice in Wonderland – Trailer #2 [HD]
Uploaded by theanimationblog. – Watch feature films and entire TV shows.
As for his “acting” his emotions seem to be limited to two different settings of crazy. When he is happy he prances about flamboyantly with whimsical charm. When he is angry he incites rebellion against the Red Queen in a harsh and guttural Irish catchphrase. “Down wif’ the bloodee Red Queen!”.
On that note, the “rebels” of this movie are the lamest ever seen on film. It seems that since Alice has been absent, the Hatter has decided to wait at the same Tea Party for the past 13 years. Apparently the mercury poisoning has eroded any of the Hatter’s ability to plan beyond the dessert course, let along mount a grassroots rebellion.
Meanwhile, the magic cake that makes Alice become larger isn’t used to its full potential. Why not just eat the whole thing and become the size of Godzilla? She could just step on the Queen and her little dragon too. End of movie – Wonderland is saved and the audience is put out of its misery.
Unfortunately the audience is made to sit through the tedium of the predictable plot arc until finally Alice does what everyone was telling her to do in the first place and confronts the Jabberwocky. The only missing ingredient from this formulaic tripe was a training montage in which Alice bench presses Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, then runs up a bunch of steps and jumps around victoriously.
As if to add insult to injury, the movie ends with a CG-powered dance from Depp. The awkward and unavoidable wince reaction to this scene is the same emotion you’ll feel every time you recall this sorry “demake” of a movie.
Tags: alice in wonderland, featured, Johnny Depp, Tim Burton
April 10th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Hey, awesome blog post.